After everything I’ve done to help her?
Have you ever been here?
I have had a journal since I was a teenager. It has always been a great place for me to share my innermost thoughts and feelings. Then along comes my latest hobby of blogging. I know that is not a place for me to share such detailed information.
The purpose of my blog is to encourage others to celebrate our midlife years+ together. So, before I post anything on this site, I ask myself:
- Does it help me and others with our mind?
- Does it help me and others with our body?
- Does it help me and others with our spirit?
- Does it help me and others with our home?
When I had the initial reaction to what was said about me– Nope! It did not belong in this space.
Why does it now? Because I’ve had some time to ruminate on this new information, and quite frankly, it was starting to hurt my mind, my spirit, and I knew eventually my body. So, I needed to take control of my thoughts. I wanted to be free of anything negatively affecting my mind, body, or spirit.
Because I’m pretty darn sure, I’m not the only one that has learned something like this was done to them, I wanted to share that it IS possible to move on and NO, I am not a doormat.
I tend to first react and then process…not something I’m proud of, and I’m constantly working on to improve.
In this situation, I didn’t react…I just let it fester until my Spirit reminded me that there are so many things that I’ve done and said that have hurt others. Why did I say or do them? Ouch!!!
So, I’m now looking at this person’s comments to others about me and putting myself in their shoes. I know this person’s background very well, and from my perspective the talking behind my back, is coming from a place of insecurity. For me, stepping into that person’s shoes has helped me to accept the individual for who they are and what they may be feeling, maybe even empathizing with them, but not accepting that it is ok to talk about me to others this way.
Does this mean I ignore it and continue to have a close relationship with this person? Are you kidding me?? Just like if I hurt someone, I would need to earn their trust back and I don’t know if I will ever get there with this person, but what I DO know is I had to make a choice.
I could allow the comments to consume my mind, or forgive that person without them asking or knowing, and move on with what is important in life.
This isn’t an easy one friends…and it certainly doesn’t get easier as we get older. People are people and continue to hurt each other. My natural tendency is to cut the person out of my life, but that’s not always possible, but what is possible is boundaries!
My wonderful Mother knows that I’m a person with few boundaries and am wired to want to help people. Years and years ago, she suggested I read the book Boundaries, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, but I was too busy raising a family, working, running a house, volunteering at school and church , date nights with my husband and social outings with our friends. I didn’t have time to read it! Maybe I was missing the point😊